Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Brain Flavored Zombie Mints

I'm feeling pretty good today. I spent the day with the ponies again. Mucking stalls, feeding, turning in and out, sweeping and burned a total of almost 1500 cal. I didn't ride but by the end of the day I was exhausted! I managed to keep to a low cal smoothie at 11 this morning and then a very small piece of salmon and 3 pieces of broccoli at dinner with my dad.

I am loosing control in some areas tho.

Cupcake and I have slept together again. I'm now almost positive that he is using me strictly for sex. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. On one hand I'm ecstatic that I'm still getting his attention, on the other hand I feel like a cheap piece of meat to be taken at his choosing. All of my friends that I talk to about it say I need to confront him and make him choose but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to lose his friendship, I love him dearly.

Fuck. Que frustration eating in 3...2...1...

My father (trying to be loving and honestly does it out of the good of his heart!) bought rocky road ice-cream. I haven't touched it yet and I have "It's a slippery slope down the rocky road!" written all over my mirror beside the 3 R's. I hope this is enough to keep me away. I need some serious supplements tho. Does anyone know of any that they have found that suppress appetite really well or that they particularly like?

I started a new Thin-spo journal. I took one of my old sketch books and glued pictures from the internet and different mags in. I put in a section for workouts, food, thinspo, quotes and then just general journal entries. I love blogging but I still keep my own journals for that little bit extra sometimes.

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow. I fucking HATE-no scratch that- I LOATHE the dentist! They always give you those disapproving looks and my gums always bleed. I brush my teeth, I swear to god, ok maybe sometimes to often, but every god damn time I go to the dentist my gums bleed like english royalty. And then they tell me that my oral hygiene isn't good enough and that my gums shouldn't be doing that and that I should quit smoking because its only adding to the problem. And then comes the needles. I am totally ok with needles. In fact I take some sort of sick pleasure getting blood drawn, but I can not handle getting needles in my mouth. I also don't like it when people are standing over me and talking. It creeps me out, I get all nervous and antsy in the pantsy. And to make matters worse, it's a 9 am appointment. Fuck. That. Shit. Terrified.

However it will give me a fantastic excuse to not eat for the entire day and possibly even two. And then my dad goes away for the long weekend.

Do I see a 5 day fast coming on? Who's with me?

I'm sorry this post is kinda random, my brain is pretty scattered rite now. Hopefully things mellow out soon.

I love you all! Your comments mean so much to me! Stay strong and think thin!

PS. Jamie I'm so glad to see you back and blogging!!


  1. I love random posts :)

    Dentists visits are horrid, but I never feel like food for what feels like fooorever afterwards.

    I can't afford new supplements right now but I was on pure Hoodia pills for a time which were awesome and kept me buzzed as well...

    Right now I'm on a combo of green tea pills (b/c they're cheap) and diuretics (basically just caffeine and NSAID) so I'm wired and drink a lot of water without worried about water retention...

    OH. And thank you so much for sharing the story of your life in an earlier post! I LOVED reading it and neglected to comment because I closed the window and forgot to return to it ;) All the best !!

  2. Hey Love! Miss you!

    I just got my first 3 fillings in 2 weeks ago and I thought FOR SURE the dentist would say something about my jacked up teeth...no enamel...bleeding gums....something. But no. I know Mia is rotting out my teeth tho. Hopefully I can get some nice fake teeth one day....lol

  3. I saw the entry title, and then I died a little out of how amazing it was XD I think they have somethingl ike that. Zombie candies. They are AMAZING. I haven't eaten any, but yeah, it's just the CONCEPT of them.

    When I got my wisdom teeth out, i couldn't eat for the longest time. And Yuck! STAY AWAY FROM THE ROCKY ROAD!

    I'm sorry he's using you for sex. 3: Are you really into him, I take it?

  4. hello lovely, not sure if you caught my response to your comment on my post - i get my ephedrine from Your Good Health on Queen St. West across from the Black Bull.

    hope your dentist visit wasn't too dreadful and you were able to stay off the rocky road!

    thin wishes for you!

  5. Just wanted to say that I like your blog :) A bit of a thinspo for me ^^

    Anyways, hope you didn't hurt too much of the dentist!

  6. I found this weight loss competition on this blogging thing xanga that some girls do, u can see it here: http://summer09-challenge.xanga.com/

    It would be fun cause we can compete with weight loss, but in a enjoyable and supportive way. And we could have a points system like if we stay under goal calorie intake we get 5 points.

    Would you want to join if I made a site like this on blogger?