Monday, September 14, 2009

Another Day Another Doll House

Well fuck...

Ok so I must be the worst blogger on earth. I'm really really sorry that I haven't been good at this the past few months. Things go so busy with work it felt like I never had a second for myself. Thank god the summers over and I'm back in school. I love school! I can stop thinking of everyone else and focus on myself for a moment.

I managed to stay well within my appropriate summer weight range. I fluctuated mildly between 110 and 115, at my most stressful moment I reached a max of 118 however a two week cleanse and a week of fasting brought me back down to my GW. Thank god!

I'm so happy to be back in school. It really helps me clear my head and get into a whole new focus. I like learning things and getting to know what my industry is about. Lets face it back to school also means lots of eye candy...boy eye candy. Unfortunatly none of that eye candy resides in any of my classes...sigh...

I'm really hoping that this is the year that someone special maybe pops into my life. I would really like to have a companion and more then that someone I can trust and have fun with. It would also be nice to get laid every now and again. I've had a few things on the go all summer but nothing really that has made me want to jump for joy or even want to talk about.

I have a tendancy of falling into the same pattern. Someone catches my eye, I'm totally infatuated for all of a week and then I get bored and tell them to fuck off. And I wonder why I'm still single. My friends keep telling me that I need to quit being so picky and finding faults where they don't exist, but I can't help it. It's either that or finding men who are already in relationships to fool around with.

There has got to be someone out there who a) isn't intimidated by me b) is willing to be super adventurous and c) at least a little bit good looking. I'm just sick of doing this all on my own. I would really really like to be able to lean at least a little bit on someone. And I know I have amazing friends and more love from my "brothers" then I could ever ask for, but it's not the same.

This weekend I went out to a club and met a guy. He's totally not any type of relationship material but even just the feeling of the way he looked at me made me feel better. I'm sure it didn't help that I was high as fuck on a beautiful cocktail of things that make you feel like a superstar, but when he would catch my eye my body quivered. I want that feeling again and again....Maybe I just want drugs. They almost seem easier. But I want to get stupid and be able to go home with them. I want to wake up next to them and share that same shitty hangover feeling but at least we're sharing it together. I want to dance around in my socks and underwear with them and laugh at their shitty jokes so they laugh at mine. I want to yell and scream and fight just to have makeup sex.

I want to be loved by someone who I can love in return. I want to be pretty and skinny with tits and a nice ass. I want full lips and little hips and eyes as big as the moon. I want perfect hair and stylist flare and an undeniable sense of matter. Where the fuck is my yellow brick road?

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